Should I start a podcast? I’m not sure I have very much to say. I speak often, with an unbridled tongue, but I’m not sure I have very much to say. One can only wax poetic over wounds and women for so long. My friends have a lot of patience, and they allow me my…

It’s beginning to look like another sleepless night, courtesy of caffeine and my friend amphetamine. I’ve grown kin to the bitter backend of a binge. Both my body and my mind yearn for sleep that they won’t find. I don’t know how to break the news to them. I suppose I’ll write to pass the…

My heart is a fickle and fragile thing. I want to open up but I am afraid of intimacy. I am afraid of looking like a fool, I am afraid of rejection. Instead of being open I hide inside my head, and I hate it all the while.  I cannot stand being unseen, unnoticed. My…

I have been numb for a very long time. Though my mind roams relentlessly, my heart is imprisoned in ice. Everything stays locked inside. Nothing new arises, nothing old escapes. No one else is let in, either.  I thought it was the pot for awhile, but with that tentatively at bay I find my heart…

We humans have our hearts set on heaven, whether we realize it or not. We are made to commune with eternity, and our highest good is bound up with this calling. Yet we find prayer difficult and confusing, bland and boring. At least I do, more often than I care to admit. Why?  The common…

Infidelity. The word pierces my soul. My stomach ties into a knot, my mind goes blank, my heart aches. I run from this word. I rarely let myself look at it. Even as I write I want to abandon this endeavor. What’s the sense in salting an old wound?  It is a deep wound. The…

Beauty beckons me. She seeks to draw my heart out of itself. My heart will not listen. My heart craves control. Beauty seeks to draw me out but I seek to take her in, to have her as my own. She will not submit to such savagery, and as such she flees from me. And…

Humility. I do not have it. I may think that I want it, but today I was afraid to pray for it. Why? Because God is a loving Father, and He will surely give it to me. I need to be humbled if I am to be holy. Selfishly my soul rebels against humiliation. Something’s…

I have a desire to write about addiction. Why? To scratch and claw at that old wound again? To travel the well-worn paths of self pity and shame once more? To try in vain to understand what cannot be understood? Perhaps. Poisonous self-seeking is part of the deal. I do well to remember that I…

Desire. I have a complicated relationship with the word. I look inside my heart and desire is all I see. A cursory glance at the past reveals an unrelenting search for its satiation. A deeper look reveals a wake of damage done to myself and others in this pursuit. An honest reflection on the past…