poem | 17 October 2023

I think you’d be proud of me, today.

This was never hard for you, it’s true,

but I think you’d be proud.

I’m almost two years clean –

from pot, at least.

But I put the other stuff away,

and will not have a drink today.

I don’t lie, anymore.

I don’t hide either.

I have good friends, who love me –

even when the truth is ugly.

And I believe them now,

because of you.

As for the other thing…

I hope you know I’m sorry.

I’m haunted every day,

and I keep that beast at bay.

There’s been no one else –

not really.

I always look for you

in the eyes of someone new.

I’m still crazy,

but I’m on good terms with God –

I’m sure He tells you all about me,

when you ask Him.

He never could say no to you.

I’m learning what it means to care,

and to love.

To love deeply.

All the things you tried so hard to teach me.

I pray for you often,

and miss you here and there.

I long for you always,

with an ache beyond repair.

I hope your mom is well.

Mine still asks about you,

and it hurts me not to know.

But this is best.

You are free.

I hope today that you’d be proud of me.